WESA announce new equality rules in their leagues

Months after the announcement of WESA, the capitalist state apparatus has returned to the scene to announce their new equality laws, that must be followed by all approved tournaments in the 2017 season.

Last night, violence broke out over Twitter as Virtus Pro player, NEO, leaked the new regulations that WESA is forcing teams to abide by, in the 2017 season. The laws stated that all teams must now have at least one gay member, have at least two females and can not have more than one white player.

“This is ridiculous,” NEO had ranted on to Twitter, “We’re all going to have to move country now; we can’t have a gay member in Poland.” The legendary five-man Virtus Pro line-up is going to have to part ways – with many speculating that Pasha’s wife will step in to play for them.

SK Gaming were another team that was facing issues. “Finding two women was easy,” Jesus told us, “They weren’t cheap, but we can knock the hourly rate down, eventually, I think. Finding a gay member was tough, but thankfully, Cold had several Twitter followers who could join.”

The rule comes in to play just a week after the controversey surrounding women playing Counter-Strike at the top level. Many have already voiced concerns that this limitation will result in the quality of gameplay decreasing although WESA executives (on the ESL twitter page) have been quick to reassure people that there are many good players out there, who just haven’t been found because of the racist, misogynistic and homophobic views of the community.

Pansy,  a very vocal supporter of WESA who is set to perform on Britain’s “The X Factor” tonight under the alias of “Honey G”, was quick to rush to their defense: “Guys on Reddit are quick to assume that women are inferior to men at everything, but I bet I can get to a higher level of Candy Crush than most of the Reddit plebs.”


Journalists are speculating that ESL are mistreating Pansy, which has led to her seeking a living elsewhere.

Also announced in WESA’s announcement post was new regulations that will be placed on the Global Offensive subreddit. From now on, only ESL events are allowed to be discussed on there and racist scum, such as Thorin, are not allowed to make an appearance.

The takeover comes after the subreddit moderators sold out after they were given an offer they couldn’t refuse: a job as ESL’s Meme Team. The discussion of North American teams, such as Cloud9, has also been banned as “these teams have too much attention and money, support should be cast to those less fortuanate.”

While Reddit have been quite critical of the changes, they haven’t done much to fight it other than a few passive aggressive articles on awful satire news sites, some edgy comments and a petition to Valve that everyone knows is pointless.

You may not be able to fight WESA but you can enjoy top quality banter, whenever the writer can be bothered – at @GlobalDefensive.

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