NIP to wear diapers to appear more relatable to fans

After a dip in profits from merchandise after the loss of fan favourite, allu, the Ninjas in Pyjamas players have a plan to get the fans back on their side… and it involves diapers.

The Ninjas had a rocky start to 2016, when they agreed to allow a 13 year old to step in and replace their star AWP player, allu, who left to play for Finnish side, ENCE. After a rocky start, the team got themselves back on the radar with a win at Dreamhack Malmo.

“NiP as an organisation is facing hard times,” coach Threat told Global Defensive in an interview, “Most of our fans come through new people who join the scene and feel sorry for us because we’re a bunch of lovable losers. Now that we’re actually winning stuff, it’s making it very hard for us to maintain a fanbase.”

Quick in response, NiP manager, Heaton, has brought a new strategy to gain back the attention and affection of fans. NiP players are no longer relatable to the fat neckbeards on the internet because they’re no longer losers so the organisation has made the logical decision to appeal to the other half of NiP’s fanbase – the 12 year olds of the community.

“In an attempt to make the players more relatable to the younger members of the community, the players will be wearing diapers from now on,” Threat went on, almost chuckling to himself as he spoke, “I think it’s a genius strategy – get them while they’re young, it’s like religion.”

What the ninjas did not anticipate, however, was another type of community that took great pleasure in this PR move.

“The DeviantArt community is very disturbing,” GeT_RiGhT told Global Defensive, “Xizt had to be rushed to the emergency room after he tried to set fire to his eyeballs, after he had witnessed some of the fanart on that website.”

In quick response to this statement, WESA is already filling out paperwork to have GeT_RiGhT sued for kink shaming, following their recent rules regarding equality.


Global Defensive is like the NiP of satire websites: Shit. But if that’s your kink, then follow us on Twitter at @GlobalDefensive

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