New CS:GO update allows for new gender options

Valve have released the latest update to Counter-Strike, which includes all sorts of new features – the most exciting of which is the new “Gender Case”.

The new “Gender Case”, released by Valve and pictured above, contains twenty different genders, of varying rarity, which the player can choose to use for their character. While Reddit were immediately anxious about what gameplay changes the different character models would have, their fears were quickly shutdown as Valve announced that there were no new models – as the gender of each character does not have to match the outward appearance.

Among the 20 new genders are the classic “Male” and “Female”, along with about ten variations of the word “Transgender”, which all mean the same thing but all have to be mentioned for political correctness. The most popular gender, currently, is the “Dosia” gender, which is currently worth $4,000 (as of 2:04PM UTC 29/11/2016) and is increasing with every passing minute.

The update, overall, has met a mixed reaction from fans with many wondering why they would want a new gender – when “male” is clearly the best option. However, the update has been praised by the LGBT community as a step in the right direction and has already made Valve upwards of $10,000.

One very vocal advocate against this update, however, was ex-Cloud9 player, Freakazoid, who very angrily told Global Defensive, “This whole gender stuff is bullshit. There are as many genders as there were good tournaments for Cloud9, last year.”

Also included in the update was the addition of glove skins, which also receieved a mixed response from the Global Offensive subreddit. “What an awful idea,” one redditor vented, in frustration, “There’s a reason these guys are the experts, why the fuck are they listening to us?”

Most of the controversey with the gloves arise from the high prices, although some sympathise with Valve. “They’re just a small indie developer,” one redditor told us, “We only buy CS:GO once, or a few times if we’re naughty, so we should be supporting them through these purchases!”


Do you love it when Valve gets you all hyped for an update and then disappoints you? Does it make you feel submissive and dirty? If you want to double that feeling of disappointment, you should follow @GlobalDefensive on Twitter, for a daily let-down as you realise that they’re still not funny.

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