Fans despair as NA can’t even do WESA right

It’s been a shocking 24 hours for Counter-Strike fans as the great overlords PEA have revealed their plans to take hostage the North American scene.

After the initial announcement of the (very-threateningly named) PEA, fans weren’t too worried about the push for exclusiveness that could have possibly followed it – with many fans describing it as “all of the things that were bad about WESA, but without evil dictator capitalists ESL” and, therefore, gave it a free pass.

Yet, when a report was released just 24 hours ago detailing that the CARROT was going to require teams to drop out of the ESL Pro League, fans became worried. “We hate ESL,” one fan admitted, “Don’t get us wrong, we’ll complain every time they appear on the subreddit and about how shit their tournaments are… but Cloud9 always do well in the Pro League.”

Richard Lewis quickly jumped in to provide a more reasonable explanation as to why this push was an awful move for the scene. “Exclusivity is inherently bad for the scene and will stagnate all progress caused by competition, freer the market; the freer the people, you get my jist. However, every cloud does have it’s silver lining (barring one, which is just bad) as PEA has swayed the Reddit circlejerk to like me and Duncan again, which is great!”

The situation got even worse, overnight, when fan favourite, child genius, model, life saver, role model, hero Sean “mother`fucking” Gares was fired from his new role on TSM.

In an attempt to learn about both sides of the story, Global Defensive managed to land an interview with the owner of TSM, and CEO of Nintendo America, who took time out of his busy schedule of tweeting about his CS team to set the story straight.

When asked why he chose to sign up with PEA in the first place, Regi responded: “TSM takes great care to make the best possible decisions to ensure the best possible experiences for our fans, our players and for the scene. While you may question some of our decisions, know that we have everyone’s best interests at heart and wouldn’t do things without the best reasoning.”

When asked why he chose to fire Sean, he responded: “TSM takes great care to hold the best possible roster to ensure that we have the best possible role models for our fans. There are situations where a player does not live up to our standards and we will deal with that internally, but we ask that you trust us to make the right decisions.”

When asked what he thought about the movement against PEA, he responded: “We at TSM greatly value the advantages of a happy team of people and we hold ourselves highly as a very democratic org where all decisions are voted on by the five players and the six share holders. Any accusations that we do not hold these democratic stances will result in a petition being signed to silence you.”

The chaos has spread in to Europe, too; with many fans struggling to sleep at night not sure what they’ll wake up to. Top tier analyst, Thorin, is experiencing this more than most people. “I can’t get to sleep at night,” he confessed to Global Defensive, “There are protests going on outside my house all day and all night and they’re all very noisy.”

When asked what the protestors wanted, he paused for a while; stalling with time with a half-assed bit of banter then admitted, “They want me to predict that PEA will be a success.”

Elsewhere in Europe, fan-favourite org “Ninjas in Pyjamas” have released a statement announcing how disgusted they are at PEA’s actions and will be rebelling against them by boycotting the ELeague Major, in January.

One thought on “Fans despair as NA can’t even do WESA right

  1. Pingback: Global Defensive- NA Monopoly | Runescape News

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