s1mple banned after “racist” comments in a Matchmaking game

It’s been a breakout year from young star s1mple, who won the hearts of many fans when he managed to do the impossible and make NA almost win something. However, the year is coming to an end with a spiral of drama after Valve have announced that s1mple will no longer be allowed to participate in Valve sponsored events.

This response from Valve comes after allegations were made against the (soon to be) Russian star by a player under the alias of “DINOSOWER! <3Pasha www,g2a,com” – who claims that s1mple had made racist comments towards him, calling him a “dirty toilet cleaner” and a whole selection of other stock HLTV racist phrases.

Valve immediately responded by issuing a statement which stated that s1mple is no longer allowed to attend the ELeague Major or any subsequent major. “While we do encourage a competitive atmosphere, we can’t have players making fun of Poland – statistically, they have the 2nd highest amount of blindly loyal fans and we’d lose a lot of profit from the impending riot that would occur from this toxicity.”

Reddit have been quick to jump to the defence of the poor child. One fan told Global Defensive, “Valve are just a bunch of bullies. They’re the racist ones – picking on s1mple because he’s from Russia. s1mple didn’t even say anything that bad, it was just banter. If Valve are going to ban anyone for racism, it should be the stupid monkey teams that think they’re too good for us to see their foreheads.”

“Again, Valve with the stupid move,” another fan told us, “He’s obviously not racist, he once spoke to Black DDK.”

“I’m a simple man,” another fan told Global Defensive, “I see that Valve has done something – I’m outraged.”

Fortunately for Global Defensive (and the karma-whores who post every article to the subreddit in hopes of getting instant karma), the drama did not stop there. s1mple, himself, took to Twitter to make sure that his side of the argument was known. In order to share it, Global Defensive had to hire a translator to translate it from “Angry Eastern European” to “English”, as a high proportion of our viewers are under the age of 18 (it is posted to the CS:GO subreddit, after all).

“Who cares what Valve thinks?” S1mple told his Twitter, “They not own CS:GO and if they did all employees are fat and will die of heart attack. Their desks have wheels because they cannot walk.”

While we attempted to score an interview off of comedian Thorin, he was reportedly “out getting cigarettes” and was last seen with a car battery, a foot of rope and a plushie Magiskb0y.

Так я мав звичай переводити, щоб зробити забавний жарт в кінці статті. Будь ласка, дотримуйтесь @GlobalDefensive спасибі моєму другові


3 thoughts on “s1mple banned after “racist” comments in a Matchmaking game

  1. “They not own CS:GO and if they did all employees are fat and will die of heart attack. Their desks have wheels because they cannot walk.” HAHAHAHA


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